Wikipedia defines happiness as “a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.”
Martin Seligman, a renowned psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania says that happiness consists of three components: positive emotion, engagement, and meaning. His conceptualization really adds dimension to the definition because it gives us clues about how to enhance our personal happiness.
Thanks to the field of positive psychology, research on
happiness has proliferated in the last 10 years or so. Much survey research over the past few decades has found that women start out in adult happier than men (on average, of course), but their happiness declines so that by middle age men are starting to be happier than women.
If that finding is true, what would account for it? People have cited hormonal changes associated with menopause (e.g., declining estrogen, which is associated with well-being), lower likelihood than men of having a romantic partner, caregiving responsibilities, loss of friends or family, and possibly society's lack of respect for and valuing of older women.
And yet, a study has found that Danish women over 65 amongst the happiest in the world:
Factors Associated with Happiness Globally
The research of Ed Diener and his colleagues on happiness worldwide is also revealing. [see video of him talking about this at www.authentichappiness.org]. Based on research spanning 155 countries, some of the things found to promote happiness are:
- close relationships, but not necessarily marriage
- work or other activities that you really enjoy. this could be a career or other paid work, but also homemaking and child care or other activities that you consider worthwhile
- learning new things and using your strengths and skills
- spirituality, that is positive emotions that connect you to something larger than yourself.
But does any of this research really matter in terms of any particular woman, like me or you? It might, I suppose, if you are feeling unhappy and not sure why.
Happiness is an Inside Job
But I believe that to a very large extent you make your own happiness, and the research of Seligman and others backs this up. That is to say, how you think about happiness and what you choose to do about are up to you. How happy we are is affected by our thoughts and behaviors. First, accept Seligman's conception of happiness as consisting of positive emotion, engagement and meaning. Meaning doesn't just happen, we make meaning in our lives. Similarly, engagement doesn't just drop from the heavens, it occurs when we take actions to get involved, for example doing volunteer work or joining a book club.
How can you promote your own happiness?
- work really hard at focusing on the positive rather than the negative. this does not meaning denying that there are negative events that occur to your or others you care about, but rather working to see if there are upsides or positive aspects. for example... See What-Went-Well Exercise below.
- focus on what you are grateful for every single day. Make a daily gratitude list and review it first thing in the morning.
- For example, at the top of my list is that I'm sober and healthy. I have a husband and family members who love me, I have wonderful friendships (that I have worked really hard to cultivate since I moved 3000 miles across the country a few years ago), I have a beautiful home, and enough money take care of all of my needs and most of my wants. I have time to do meaningful things
- try adding something new to your list each day. It's valuable to force yourself to think about what you are actually grateful for rather than taking your blessings for granted.
- if you're not actually feeling "happy," try acting as if you are. What would you do if you were happy right now?
- try Seligman's Three Blessings exercise
What-Went-Well Exercise (Three Blessings)
In chapter 2 of Seligman's 2011 book Flourish, he talks about a daily exercise that he developed that has been shown to actually promote happiness in his research. It is consistent with other research showing that writing about positive and negative events can be very healing, helping to diminish depression and increase well-being:
"Every night for the next week, set aside ten minutes before you go to sleep. Write down three things that went well today and why they went well." you can do it by hand or on your computer. "Next to each positive event, answer the question, 'why did this happen?'" (p. 33).
The purpose of this exercise is to get you to focus less on what is wrong in your life and more on the good things This is especially important for people tending toward depression, which has the effect of biasing people's thoughts toward the negative. The odds are that if you perform this little exercise you will be thinking more positively about your life and maybe even to happier!
The purpose of this exercise is to get you to focus less on what is wrong in your life and more on the good things This is especially important for people tending toward depression, which has the effect of biasing people's thoughts toward the negative. The odds are that if you perform this little exercise you will be thinking more positively about your life and maybe even to happier!
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